good times

Finally I get to write about something a little more positive and not so heavy.

This weekend whizzed by and as much as I hate to go back to work, at least I can reflect on what a good weekend I had.

Yesterday I did end up going to the football party to see Benecia after I settled down from my “religious experience”. I felt really zen-like riding the train in there. It was the oddest feeling that has kind of left a little bit but it left a heavy footprint on me that I hope stays. By the time I strolled in for the party, I was feeling pretty chill and relaxed. People there were surprisingly friendly and outgoing, even though U of M was getting their asses handed to them by OSU. Anyway, I felt pretty cool walking in and I felt like people were looking at me like, “Who’s that?” I quickly found Benecia and made my way over there. She introduced me to this girl that I went to high school with! We both recognized each other’s faces. Meredith graduated a year before me so I never really was friends with her but I definitely knew her face. And here she was living in NYC! I also met a few other people from Lansing so it was definitely a trip.

In addition to that, I met this dude from Detroit that I talked to for a while. He seemed very gregarious and talkative and we exchanged info. It felt good to get in the mix in that way again. Helps put the the other tomfoolery into perspective.

Anyway, after that game ended, several of us headed over to a nearby diner to hang out. We ended up staying there for a couple of hours just laughing and talking about life, making it in NY, and everything else under the sun. It really felt great to be amongst people that were trying to do something with their lives and who had ideas and were lively. I didn’t realize how deep I was buried in my own little world of work and home life. It was a breath of fresh air to be talking to people who were doing different things other than the usual B.S. from the doc review world. I’m looking forward to the next get-together.

Today I met up with my girl SLB and had a heart-to-heart. Sounds like we were kind of going through the same thing although her issues are with a man she is married to. SLB is beginning to realize how difficult marriage is and how putting yourself second is NEVER a good idea. My friend has been feeling really sad and depressed for losing touch with herself, mainly because she was putting her husband’s needs above her own and felt like she was getting little from him in return. I told her about my experience with my cathartic book and together we marched over to Borders and got her a copy. She seemed to feel more inspired after our outing. I hope she is able to recharge and replenish her spirit.

Hearing her talk about her marriage made me really wonder about guys and relationships. As much as I long for someone decent, I also shudder at the thought of the compromise and uphill battles that go along with them. It seems like dudes just do whatever the hell they want to and march along and we women are racing to catch up with them to please them and nurture them. SLB complained about how at the end of a long day, her husband will expect her to have dinner ready for him or how she has to tell him to do thing like he is a child. She has gotten so frustrated that she has screamed, and thrown glasses around the apartment. I was shocked when she told me that; SLB is so calm and serene. I would’ve never expected her to be driven to that. Is that what I have to look forward to in a marriage? No thank you!

Of course I don’t think that’s what comes along with it but I just think about the frustration I have felt with the men in my life and worrying about striking that balance between being true to yourself and providing for the relationship and all that jazz. It’s so complicated! ugh.

Tomorrow is another day at the orafice. I don’t want to go in. I don’t want to see Mark. I’ve decided today that he is a punk. Yesterday I was feeling compassion towards him. That shit did a total about-face. I don’t know if it was a night’s dream, or just seeing the alternatives after beingw ith more interesting people last night. Maybe it was my endorphins that were roaring in my ear after an nice workout. I don’t know. I just started thinking about the whole thing and I was like, “God, thank god I got the fuck away from him.” But I wouldn’t be surprised if that changed after tomorrow. It’s like once you get caught in that existence, you really get swallowed up and start thinking that that crazy shit is normal! Yeah, definitely need to hang out more and have new experiences. That’s the healthiest thing.

Time to wind down. Club Bed awaits.

~ by J on November 19, 2007.